Back in the 2008-2009 school year I was asked by Allie's PTA president to serve as the schools Positive Parent Involvement (PPI) representative. I had never heard of the organization, but I learned that they were in charge of Red Ribbon Week which is a week dedicated to informing the students (and parents) to the dangers of Alcohol, Tobacco, and other Drugs. It was a cause that I believed in, so I took the position. I soon found myself at meetings where I learned more about the issues that kids in the district were dealing with. We had representatives from all of the public and private schools, and I can say that no matter what school (public or parochial) there are many issues that parents need to deal with. I won't go into any specifics on what any particular school had what issues, just that I became aware that there are problems from kindergarten to seniors in high school. One of the main questions that parents have is "What can I do to keep my kid away from Alcohol, Tobacco or other Drugs?" My answer to that is that there isn't any ONE thing that you can do. It needs to be a something that you keep in your mind, in their minds, and know that sometimes you are going to everything "right" and it can still turn out badly. I think that most important is to let them know about your expectations and let them know that there will be consequences if those expectations aren't met. In short, I don't think that there is a "magic bullet" that will help your kids make good choices, all you can do is gauge your own situation and stay involved, get help if you need it. Keep the conversations going, as your kids get older those conversations will get more important, and difficult, but you need to have them.
It really is never to early to discuss these issues with them. The first time that I put a cigarette to my lips I was in third grade at the latest. A friend that I played with in the neighborhood got ahold of some with his older cousin or friend (can't remember the relation). We had a spot where we hid them under a rock in a field by an abandoned pool. I think it only happened a few times, then they told me that they had gotten caught by their family and were forced to chew on a cigar.
The next time I had a cigarette I was probably about 15. A pack of Winston's had successfully made it through the washing machine because it was an unopened pack from my step-father's pocket. I'm not sure how I found it, but I took it and started up the habit. I used to walk down to the local pizza shop with a pocket full of quarters and buy a pack of Marlboro lights (my preferred brand for many years afterward) from the cigarette machine. There were plenty of places to hide out in the woods, or down by the lake to sneak a smoke with friends. I pretty much smoked cigarette's through high school and probably until I was about 22. At my highest rate I probably had about a pack a day. It is really sad to look back at those times when I was a lifeguard in Barton Glen with Tara, Rachel, and Joel, and we all smoked liked chimneys all day while watching kids swim. I was really an idiot, we all were. I don't know what happened to Rachel or Joel (he is another story) but many years ago, Tara had too much to drink one night and crashed her car into a tree and died.
Luckily, when I was 22 or so I just decided to stop smoking. Cold Turkey. After quitting I remember having nightmares about a cigarette and wake up feeling really guilty. I haven't had a cigarette since, and I haven't missed it one bit. Cigarette smoke really aggravates me now. When I see teenagers smoke now I realize how much of an idiot they look, and hope that they figure it out sooner rather than later too.
As a teenager it was much more common to see people smoking. Both of my parents (one a step-parent) smoked to some degree at the time. Teenagers at the mall, skating rink, or right in front of the school were doing it. No excuses though, it was a decision that I had made to do. For a year or two I also chewed tobacco. I'm grateful that I stopped that before my gums rotted away. I learned from my mistakes, and the mistakes of those around me.
I don't know what exactly it was that allowed me to have a healthy perspective about alcohol and drugs. I have been around pot on numerous occasions and I had never had the desire to have any. I always made up an excuse about why I had to leave, and I went home. The first time I saw someone smoking it I was probably 13-14 years old.
Talk to your kids. It isn't too early, hopefully it isn't too late. Do it. Have the difficult conversations. Even if you did some of the things that you are telling them not to do, talk to them. There isn't "one" thing that you are going to do or say that will make a difference, it is a lifestyle of choices you are trying to influence. You won't do everything right, your kids won't do everything right either, but all you can do is hope that somewhere along the line they learn how to make good choices, and that they make it through the bad ones.
I guess you could say that when that "Wheel" starts to spin you have put more good choices on the wheel to be chosen when it stops on a space.
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